Here's to a Better Week!!!

I am most thankful this week that the crazy Karma that was with me all last week has decided to find someone else to bug! This week was much better and I have to say that a series of "things" happended - kernels of revelations - for lack of a better explanation. I've broken it down below and for those of you who know me best, you know this is how my brain thinks....

Kids: As far as the kiddos are concerned, this was a much better week with our new "sleep routine" in place. Last night we actually got people in bed BEFORE 9 pm! Now that's not saying that everyone was asleep but 1 out of 2 is a pretty good ratio for us! Although I still felt that tug at my heart after the first born got out of bed with his 6th sob story of the night, I held strong and marched him right back to his room and into his bed each time. Every time I reassured him that he would be fine and eventually he got tired of making shadow shapes on the wall! Camille was another story and her sob story reads more on her little face and the way that she says "mommy" that gets me everytime. Those sweet little hands that are clinging for dear life as her daddy carries her into the room to face the darkness and what is, in my opinion, some good sleep! Bottom line is that the "lunch bunch" was right - "those children need to go to bed earlier!" Generally speaking, when people give you advice that you know is right, you do your best to listen. I'm a big girl and I know when I need to listen!

Husband:

We love each other and no one says that marriage is easy - especially after 8 years! We are constantly faced with challenges but we are determined to talk it out and to become good communicators. I think we've realized in the past 5 years that it's easy to forget that at one time you were friends. There was a time when we laughed at silly things, talked about things that did not pertain to children, household chores and work and were spontaneous. I think that when things happen that force you to remember those times, you do one of two things: you continue on the same roller coaster until one person decides to get off or you decide to pick a new amusement park. I think we are going to visit a new amusement park and try out a few new rides starting with the way that we communicate with each other. I'm excited about the journey.

Weight:

"Even at my leanest and fittest I was always a large girl that was working really, really hard not to be." I read this statement in a daily weight loss reflection email that I receive and boy did that hit close to home. I am at my leanest and fittest and I still see myself as a large girl working hard not to be.....where's the enjoyment of the accomplishment of losing 65.6 pounds if I am afraid to embrace the person that I have become and was meant to be? So I've decided that whatever the number on my scale I will deal with it - myself! No one else needs to be a part of my own craziness and I need to stop being my own worst enemy. I have the tools that I need to be successful and to remain the person that I am today and it is up to me and only me to continue to live a healthy life.

Work:

"Learning new things sparks the fear of doing it wrong and being judged by our peers." (daily meditation email - do you get the theme here? Obviously, I am getting therapy via email! HA!) I am more than sure that everyone goes through something like this when they start a new job. I've always set high expectations for myself and today is no different than yesterday! However, being judged by my peers has never been something that I've dwelled on in previous jobs. I could kinda care less and maybe it's because the work that I did (before SMU) wasn't as meaningful to me as what I do now. I love my job, the work that I do, the people that I work with and the institution itself. I am challenging myself on a daily basis to not be afraid of doing something wrong but to be confident and smart in the decisions that I am making. I was afforded this opportunity because someone was confident in me and my ability to do this job right. So what if I mess up a few things along the way. I'm smart enough to fix it - right? ;o)

There you have it! Oh....did I mention that my wonderful friend Crystal (BFF!!!! we are so high school!) is returning to Dallas? Let the countdown begin! It couldn't have been a better week! ;o)

What really matters...

So today trumps the beginning of the week in one instance - the fender bender! On my way to lunch to meet up with an old friend, I found myself exchanging information with an older gentleman with the last name "Fortune." Unfortunately for him it was not good fortune that found its way into his life but my bad karma that has been following me throughout the week. I wish I could pinpoint exactly when I knew that this week would be a series of unexplainable events but I can't. I'd love to blame it on the missed workouts which then caused me to be off my game for the early part in the week but honestly, I don't really think that's it. Maybe it's just that this week was a week of lessons that I needed to put into practice. For starters, not being in control of my own situation and having to alter my plans right before they were about to happen (gym), feeling really overwhelmed and somewhat inadequate at work (no particular reason, just think it's a learning curve really), screwing up some communication through email and topping it off by rear ending the nicest gentleman you could ever imagine. I guess if one of my children had called me with all of this "drama" I would simply ask them what did you learn from each experience and what can you do differently next time? I know that I probably let most of these situations get the best of me but my response to the climatic events that led to today surprised even myself. For the most part, I was pretty calm about it all - I had my"moments" but I did pretty good in the "just let it go" category. I didn't dwell on them for the long periods of time that I normally hold on to stuff. I kind of just threw my hands up and said "oh well." I mean, what is meant to be will be and although I had some control over each situation, I believe that I did the best that I could in each one. I worked out really hard when I did go to the gym. I vented my frustration about my feelings of stress related to work and continued on with the current project. I asked for help and I prayed with a stranger on the side of Lover's Lane because it was the right thing to do and just what I needed at the time.

It is now 9:21 pm. I am reflecting about my week on this blog. My children are bathed and currently "reading" all the books that they took off of the shelf (about 25 or so...). Dylan is being nice to his sister for a change and Camille is saying "awesome Dylan" and strategically placing stickers on my arm. It's a rare moment and although I secretly wish they were asleep, there is something comforting in the fact that they know nothing about my bad karma this week. They just know that mom woke them up, dressed them, fed them, drove them to school, picked them up from school, gave them baths, kissed them and loved them. The other stuff kinda doesn't matter.

Better Day.....

(Camille as Batman playing the "football game!" How can you NOT love this?)

So today was a better day. I was thinking as I was applying my make up (in a bit of a rush) this morning that the best parts of my day are when I arrive at work and when I leave at the end of the day.... I know that's a kind of strange way of looking at it b/c it makes it seem like I don't like the middle of the day but that's not the case. I like the fact that there is some room for spontaneity in there to determine if indeed the day will end up crappy or one of the best yet! Generally speaking there are more of the latter but having a bad day every now and again is healthy if I am looking at things from a positive perspective!

I would have to say that my mood was definitely altered by the fact that I was able to work out this morning and my people actually woke up without resistance! I just don't know how long I am willing to play the "I want you to hold and rock me until I fall asleep game." Let's face it, I am exhausted when my head hits the pillow. I can barely make it to the weather report on the 9 o'clock news much less a chapter in a book. Even though my mornings start really early and the thought of skipping out on the gym happens at least once when I allow myself to hit snooze, I always remind myself of how great I feel after leaving the gym. Today was no exception. I wanted to sleep a little longer and even though I still felt pressed for time I managed the stress of it all much better just knowing that I had checked off one thing on my "to do" list.

I am writing this at work - the end of my day - the time of day that I look forward to. Today I carried less stress b/c I have figured out that managing my stress starts at 5:15am. Now I am going to go home to Batman Camille and her brother and enjoy the tantrums and the bedtime battle. But it's okay b/c today, overall, was a much better day.

I should have know what kinda week this would be...

when on Sunday my morning started off with the five year old refusing to eat a cinnamon waffle! I've ranted about this enough for the past 2 days that I don't even want to write about it! To make a long story short, I read him his rights and let's just say at dinnertime the meal was "delicious!" Enough Said!

Monday was one of those days that was productive but felt stressful. There was nothing in particular that happened to make it feel that way. Let's just say that when five o'clock hit, I was walking out of the door and happy to be leaving!

Today was a different story!!! Camille was up off and on throughout the night w/a crazy cough and in and out of our bed. When she woke up at 4:45 AM asking for juice, I knew that my plan to go to the gym had been foiled! So instead I changed a diaper, washed clothes, fed Camille some cheerios, packed a bag for the gym and the list goes on. Needless to say, we left the house at 7:40 only to be stuck in traffic. A mere hour and some change later, I arrived at work. Here I am still trying to diffuse from the drive with my coffee and the papers on my desk that are daring me to actually do something with them! Let's hope that today turns around for the better. I am willing to let go of the gym, the drive and the irritation so here's to waiting for something good to happen today!!!!!

Living in the Here and Now....

So, I get these daily reflections and although I don't read them everyday, I make an effort to read them regularly. Today's reflection really resonated with me and I've been thinking about it all day. The part of the reflection that hit home the hardest was the "idea of stopping life momentarily in order to achieve something." In other words hitting the pause button on whatever it is that is happening in order to enjoy the outcome. So not enjoying the now b/c you are waiting for what could happen (or not happen for that matter) in the future. I was always that person - the "when I do this, then I will do that" person. It's really the comma in between the 2 statements that mean something. That's why making healthy choices are so important to me and I am so hard on myself when I don't live up to my own expectations. When I was heavier, I always used the excuse that maybe someday I'll figure it out. Now that I've figured it out I want to enjoy the space that the comma represents and I want to enjoy the process of maintaining my weight - the here and now. This picture of Camille reminds me of just that.....life and all of its simplicities wrapped up in a little girl singing with her eyes closed b/c nothing else matters but this moment - right here and now. And boy oh boy is it good!

Bedtime Chronicles Cont....

The Chronicles continue as we try to figure out our bedtime routine. Tonight I asked the dad to NOT have the TV on when we arrived home b/c I think it's over stimulation. So far so good - dinner, check, one bath down, check, next bath on the docket, check, lots of complaining - not so much! Overall it's been pretty decent. We are finally getting Dylan's allergies under control and our dear friend Rani is over planting flowers. Dylan really wants to be out there with her and dad but after being out there for 10 minutes when we got home, it was a sneeze fest! So much for that professional gardening career....however, I do wonder if his allergies will always be this bad b/c that might mean we have to keep hiring a lawn guy. I was hoping to get some free labor when he turned into a teenager!!!! HA!

The Morning Struggle

I won today! Well sort of! Although I still sat down at my desk at 8:33, I was able to leave the house at 7:43 AM with everyone in tow and ready to go by 7:40AM. This new chapter in our life is our biggest obstacle to overcome. I am convinced that our children are smarter than we are because they, on a regular basis, are able to manipulate us into letting them stay up beyond what normal functioning hours for young children should be. This is starting to really annoy me as a wife and a mother. I love my children and the joy that they have brought to our lives BUT I am continually frus-ter-ated (pronounce it out loud and you will say it like Dylan!) by the inconsistency of our parenting skills in this area! Everyone is affected by this one thing - the adult relationship and most important, the functioning children! It also makes my mornings a struggle in more ways than I would like to admit! I am doing my best to continue to do what I know is best for us all! What might that be???? Well working out of course! A physically and emotionally fit mom is good for everyone EXCEPT when she feels like she's making all the sacrifices to get this one thing right! I am hopeful that with diligence and persistance that this is just a small cross to bear. Until then, I'll hope and pray for the best! HA!